Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
