i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
