I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
