she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im holly from the hills drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
