i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
