What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize