my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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