last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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