Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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