Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
