Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
