I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Randomize
