I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
