Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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