She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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