I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
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Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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