My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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