I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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