Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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