walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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