Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
