just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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