Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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