how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
