I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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