So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
