Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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