There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
