Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
