i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
