She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at about main and main street
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
