My friends, they love my intelligence
My liver just broke up with me...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
