i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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