Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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