you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
