Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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