Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
