note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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