My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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