theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
