I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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