I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
