Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
