Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
