We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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