Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
