so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
