before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
