That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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