i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
