normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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