He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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