I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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