I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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