My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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