you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
