yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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