The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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