U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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