He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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