so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
