I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
