I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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