Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
