there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
